Tammi with an "I"

This is where I am now!

2006-01-31T08:55:00.000-08:00

http://www.blogofhope.blogspot.com

Hummmm.................

2006-01-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

First off, sorry I have not posted in such as long time. I have had time due to the school break but was having a hard time putting thought together.
Second off, I am not sure how much more I will be posting here. Michael and I are working on somthing else and that is where my heart is (everyone will learn about that soon).
So with both of those things being said, I am no sure thier is much else to say. I love you all, really I do. You have all made a large impact on my life and for that I will always be thankful. Please know this is not goodbye just a change. I think the change will let you get to know me better or at least I hope so.

I may visit here every now and then!

Pieces of Life

2005-11-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Michael the other day and I noted that everything in life has a purpose. Nothing is done that does not fit somewhere. I am not sure what made me think of this; I just know it was a personal revelation.
Now onto a story:

About 6 mo. ago a friend of ours names Paul emailed me and told me that he and Jen had some friends that maybe interested in being a CARES team in Austin. So right after that the girl that was interested emailed me asking me some questions about Apartment Life and being a CARES team. So I emailed her back giving her all the details. She asked if we would ever do it again and such and I told her “yes” that we really loved our community and God did some amazing things though it. So that was that, never heard from her, did not know what they had decided. All the while at the Greenbriar a new team had taken over and was not doing that great of a job and they were not happy with everything. We grew sad and upset that our community that we invested so much in was not being taken care of. All in all they did not complete their year and moved out in January. So we prayed about it and thought hey maybe we should go back. God said “NO” it was hard to hear but we obeyed. So back to the girl that was looking at moving to Austin and being a CARES team their, the other day at church Paul and Jen turned around and said guess what, our friends are moving to Houston instead of Austin and they are going to be a CARES team and no other then the Greenbriar. Amen to the God that makes all the pieces fit!

A Birthday post almost a mo. late

2005-10-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

I woke up to Michael’s sweet face on my birthday (the best way to wake up) and he asked if I was ready for my gift. I will throw in a side note here, Michael is not that great at keeping a secret, he will tell you other wise but the truth is he is not that good his cute little smile always gives it away. So I was ready for my gift (and had no idea as to what it was) and he handed me 2 pieces of paper. One was a sweet love note that I will not share with you, and the other was a confirmation for a map of Africa that he had ordered but had not received yet. I was so excited and with in a few days we had a huge map of Africa hanging on our wall (laminated and everything).
Since we moved in with Michaels parents we had not changed the room much except for a king size bed instead of a full and a desk. We had left all the grandparent photos on the wall along with a huge photo of Michael when he was a baby (he has had a big head since birth). So now we have a piece of our hearts on the wall too. We decided that every Sunday we are going to pick a new country to pray over. When we went to Urbana a few yrs ago we bought a book called Operation World and it list every county in the world and all their facts politics, economy, language, religion break down, answers to prayers and prayer requests. So we had this book for a while and never really did much with it. So now we pick a country and we read all about it and thought out the week we pray over it. We have only been doing it for a little over a week and it has made a huge difference in our pray life. We come together at night and we explore Africa together and then we pray together. The other day I said, it is hard to move on to another country because it feels like you are leaving them behind like you are moving on with out them. Michael put it so well, we are not forgetting them we are uniting them. Amen
We don’t know if God has a place for us in Africa, and if he does we don’t know where yet. So every place that we lift up to Him is as we are lifting up our future home, and maybe that is all he ever wanted from us. So it was the bestest gift ever.

I was asleep

2005-10-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

It seems like I have been asleep for days maybe even weeks. I awake to find myself 2 wks into October. WTF! Sept. came and went and I am left speechless. So much happened, but nothing really to say. Going back to school after having 2 wks off felt a little weird, it felt like the first day of school however we needed to get ready for midterms. Time is going by so fast and we have so much on our minds that it is hard to even write it all down. However in the mist of the flying time, Michael and I feel really close. We have been talking, praying, laughing and dreaming so much more, it feels nice.
So what’s next, God only knows, and I like that!

Sin City

2005-09-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

So I am thinking this about sums up my trip. Did not win any money, did not see anyone famous and if I see another slot machine, it will be too soon.

So would you ever go back to Vegas Tammi? NOPE not that I can for see.

Side note: I did see a lot of porn. What I mean is that street people hand out these little trading cards with pictures of topless women. The streets are covered with these things because people hand them out and then they get thrown onto the ground. Pretty sad, really. Also everyone smokes, everyone except my mother and I and my mother has smoked my whole life and she said that it was too much so she did not smoke once. I saw children and pregnant women all over the place and I could not help but feel sad.

all in all I was very glad to be home!

Going to LAS VEGAS

2005-08-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

So for all who do not know, my mom and I are going to Las Vegas!
I am not so much a gambler, by any means, but my mom has not traveled since before my sister was born (16 yrs ago) so I am looking forward to her getting away and what better place to celebrate her birthday! This will be the first Vegas trip for us both.

So here's to winning a million dollars and parting with Paris Hilton

oh and free drinks

I am going to help plant a cult

2005-08-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

We went to our old church, (Michael’s parents church) called Gateway community church, on Sunday. We went hoping to see the pastor that married us and to ask him if he would counsel us about the direction God would have for us. So we went, in our nice cloths (no so much for Michael, he feel like a plaid shirt and pants are ok for everything, I have learned to pick my battles.) So we got our coffee and went to go hear a message that we though we would not connect to. We were wrong so wrong. The pastor that we were hoping to see was speaking, I got excited. Granted his topic would be one I would never ever hear at Ecclesia, but I could see how it was important to those in the room. It was all about how different they look and how different they do things. I thought wow if people think this church looks different (which it does not look all that different) then they would think Ecclesia, Kaleo or any other Act29 church, for that matter, was a cult. However I was brought to tears by what Tim was saying. He spoke about our role (people) and how the local church is the hope of the world. I realize at that moment how important planting a church on our side of town really is. If the local church is the hope of the world, then my heart should break at the fact that people on our side of town do not have a local church to call home. He also read Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”. This was piercing my heart and still is. God knew we were going to go that Sunday, and he prepared a sermon spoken by the man we wanted to talk to about the exact topic.
Another great thing happened on Sunday; we got to see the arm or leg of the body of Christ. What I mean by that is we feel like we are connected to 3 and now 4 churches. We have our old church, Gateway community church, which has so many people who love and support us. Our home church, Ecclesia, which has taught us so much about true community and what it means to really serve, we also feel connected to Kaleo because the new Church we hope to help plant is going to be a sister or daughter church to Kaleo (not sure of all the terms that you use when you plant a church). So four churches and each one of them looks so different, their style, their teaching, the people, the fruit that is produced. I realized how each of these churches is different but a true reflection of God can be seen in each group. It really put that scripture about the body parts all into perspective. Thank you God for not making every church look exactly the same. Thank you that your body is made up of all different parts and that you are at the center of it all.

You want me to do what with that Cross?

2005-07-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

I can’t remember when I was saved. I can’t remember when I was baptized heck I can’t remember when I had sex for the first time. They all happened when I was dating Michael but I can’t remember what the date was. I am not sure if it is a good think or not. I mean I have thought, hey everything was at a natural pace and it just happened, so it was a slow process that just evolved and it happened and the date is not import but the fact that it happened is the important part. Ok so that makes me feel better. But the true is has anything changed have I changed? Was it age that changed things or was it the love of Christ that changed things? Sometimes I find myself with the same mind set the same bitterness and the same knowledge of Christ I had before being saved and baptized. So it happened, everything happened but did it happen in my heart and in my soul. I find myself with a group that now come to my in laws house every Thursday and I am not prepared I have not read my bible, heck I don’t even really talk to Michael about the topic before the night of. What kind of Christian am I, the one with good intensions but no knowledge of whom I claim to believe in or who I claim to be. I mean I pick up facts every now and then that I hold onto but do I explore on my own, no. I have not died to myself; I have not picked up my cross. So what does that mean for anything I expect to be a part of, helping start a church on our side of town, ever going to Africa and God knows what ever else he has planned for me. I tried to write something for the Adventure in Church Planting blog but I had nothing and everything that I could think of only made me sad, I have a dream but not the drive because I am afraid that if I give into it I will fall more in love with it all then I already am and that may hurt more then I want to. So I stay numb and sad and lonely for a God that wants me to know him more but like most I want thing to happen and be surprise when it does. I can work so hard in other aspects of my life but when it comes to God I think it should be like the matrix and God will just put a chip in me and I will know kung fu.
I saw Joel open a map of Russia at the 4th party and I thought, oh how I would love to have a map of Africa hanging in our room. How I would love to read more about Africa but again it all comes back to fear. I told Heather one day, what if all you are to do is pray for the people in Russia and never step foot their. I realized I should have been speaking to myself. I am to pray for the people in Africa, pray that God would reveal himself to them, pray that he will give them hope, give them strength, give them peace, and give them the Holy Spirit. I will also pray all those thing over the Church that is to come in our city, regardless if I ever step foot in either place.
God save me from myself, I want to feel, really feel.
Amen

Fletch you are an F'in cat

2005-06-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that I sleep better in my bed when no one else is in it. Fletch sleeps really close to the right side of me, he sleeps hard and he hates it if I move a lot, he does not wake up and move he just gives me a pissy look as if I was the invader. I have often thought if I was a mom I would totally be ok with my kid sleeping in the same bed as me, since I try really hard to not wake up fletch so that means I sleep super light. I don't know how many of yall have seen a Sat. night live skit where Will Farrell is talking to a dog and his says "because you are a f'ing dog" sometimes I think like that when I am really mad about not sleeping and I want to turn to Fletch and say "you are a F'ing cat", I do in my head but not to him (why, I don't know, maybe because I know he does not understand a word I am saying) Now onto Michael, he sleeps in the bed also, I don't mind his as much and he lets me put my arm under his pillow while I sleep, which if the tables were turned that would not fly. Michael also loves to snuggle with me before we go to sleep which I don't mind all that much but when I go to sleep he knows to go on his side of the king size bed. I like to just have our feet touch. So in the end Michael leaves for work at 645 3 days a wk and Fletch will get up with him so that means I get to sleep till 8 alone!!!! So I enjoy my hr and 15 min of peaceful alone sleep.

Oh side note: Look up Nick Lachey and look at the last row and see if you see anything special in the links.

What you really need is some jet skies

2005-06-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

So a life update:
I am still having problems with my family. How much do I bother with a family that let me walk out of their life 7 years ago?

School is going good but the programming class is so......Well it is a programming class. I really like my history of Math class.

Living with Michaels parents is going ok I guess, wish God would remind me that I am where I should be.

I have been really enjoying spending time with Heather, Joel and the kids. Man do I love those kids. I really have never gotten a chance to spend time with Holden, so I always felt like I was closer to Arabella and that made me sad. But Heather and Joel let me watch the kids for a few hrs and I bonded with Holden it was good. I am still not one of his best friends but I feel like I am winning him over.
Side note: A quick story from the day I watched the kids.
So I was getting Arabella a snack and she wanted cheese, so I got out a butter knife to cut the cheese ( I just said cut the cheese) and I gave her the snack and left the butter knife on the kitchen counter. So time passed and we ate the cheese and Holden woke up from a nap and I went in to see if I could get him back to sleep. So I am holding him with a bottle and he looks like he might go back down. When in walks Arabella with the butter knife in hand and she was swinging it all around and tapping holden on the head with it. I wanted to freak out but then I realized, she does not really know what it is, she just knows that she does not get to play with that too much. So I thought, hey as long as she does not leave my eye sight we should be ok. Needless to say, we are all ok.
I hope they let me watch them again ;)

We will be starting a new small group at our house next Thur. 6/16, please pray that people come and are excited about living life with other people. Pray that we will be God filled and welcoming.

Another Confession

2005-05-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

I went to Jennifer Randalls bady shower the other day. Had a good time. Nice job to Carrie and everyone else who came together to pull it off.
Here is my confession:
So at the shower they had these little cards that you were suppose to write some kind of advice, prayer or whatever you wanted. I was going to do it but something inside of me said "it is ok to not do it" I am glad I did not write anything down because Jen read them all out loud and I had known what I was planning on writting and I was thanking God that I had not partaken in that activity.
(Sorry this is not going to be funny guys)

here is what I would have wrote:
Dear Jen,

A week or so before you announced to everyone you were pregnant I thought I was. I took 2 home tests and it turned out I was not. (I was not on birth control pills at the time and I was 2 weeks late) I am so glad that you were. I have watched you grow and glow and look more and more beautiful every week and sometimes I get sad and think of what could have been but mostly I look at you and I think how amazing God is and how faithful he is. Thank you for sharing your journey with me, even with out you knowing it.

May everytime you look into your sweet daughters eyes let it serve as a testament to Gods unfailing love for you.

Psalm 124

2005-05-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

If the Lord had not been on our side when men attacked us, when their anger flared against us, they would have swallowed us alive; the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away. Praise be to the Lord, who has not let us be torn by their teeth. We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler's snare, the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Amen

Thank you Seth Woods for speaking to every part of my life

A big Step for Me

2005-05-04T09:17:00.000-07:00

So I think I have figured out what the funk is.
I had a fight with my mom yesterday and I felt like I was Kim and I was calling from the future to warn my mom of what was going to happen (or Kim would say that I was her calling from the future) However back to the fight, I called her a lier and I said “when is it going to scare you that Kim is going down the same path I was on”. When are you going to do something about it and she just keep saying that she has a plan, but I don’t think she does. I joked about my moms plan and I told Kim that the only plan that would be worth all this would be a time machine, and I don’t think she has that. So now onto the funk: I thought over the years I would be spiritually, physically, and mentally strong enough to help Kimberly when this time came. But I don’t think I am, I think I am still weak and scared as I was when I was Kim’s age. I don’t think I can do this again, fight for her with out help. I know that as I have grown closer with Kim I have also grown right back into the place I was at her age. I have started having problems with not feeling well to my stomach all the time, been wanting to cry all the time, I have not been wanting to get close to anyone. I feel like I can’t go though this again, I think I have let my guard down and I don’t want it back. So I have decided that I may look into getting some counseling to deal with everything better. I need to get more tools to deal with this and be stronger for Kim and Michael.
Kim, please know that this is not your fault and it is because I love you so much and this is something I have needed for a long time. But we will get thought this. We will be healthy strong adults that will make each other proud.

Please pray that all will be fine in due time. Pray that Kim and I will be strong during this time and that we will feel the presences of God.

EXPOSED

2005-05-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would not write until after finals but…….
Well I am in a funk and I am not sure why. I have tried to think about the whole thing and I am not sure if this is what needs to happen or not but I think I need to be honest with everyone but mostly myself (maybe a little confession David style) as I sit here I am feeling a little dramatic and thinking everyone goes thought this and it has not been that long since the last time I went thought this. This time feels different, not sure why or what that means but either way it does. I thought about all of my family and friends and about what they know about me. Sometimes I feel like I am 3 different people sometimes and when I think my cover maybe revealed I get scared. I am different around my sister and Michael’s family, I am different around just Michael and I am different around my friends. I am not sure where to start, I mean if I had to say who knows me best it would be Michael. I hate that he knows me so well. I hate it to the point that I want to leave, run away and start new somewhere else. Somewhere no one would know me or my past. He knows this and it scares him to the point where I can’t talk about it with him, so I don’t. I thought it would get better with time but it doesn’t it gets worse when I feel the walls closing in.
Now to my family, I feel like my mom has no idea who I am anymore. I know my father has never known me and well John (my step father) never wanted to know me at least not in the, she is a real person that I can break, kind of way. Now onto my brother and sister, my brother, I bet most of yall reading this did not even know I had a real brother and I think that speaks volumes. My sister I would think of all my family she would know the most but still short of my dark side, my demons that I pray she never knows about. I love her too much to let her in that much. But she knows I like getting my nails done, I like going and getting fake tans (that I have been doing this summer) she knows I love to shop and I love Days of our lives soap opera that I listen to every day at work. She knows that I left home at 17 and that it was the hardest thing I have ever done because I left her their. She knows that I have a father that never really cared about me and a brother that I tried to help but couldn’t so I don’t talk with him. She knows that I love God and want so badly to serve him but I fall short sometimes.
Now on to you, my friends, most I would say know my past and know that it haunts me everyday. You know I try to act hard and taught but inside I am breaking. You know I love you and that I would do whatever I could to help you. But you did not know most of the above info. You don’t know that I have a problem with food and I like to use it as a means of control. Speaking of control, huge problem for me that I don’t know how to fix it, I know it is a problem but I don’t want to fix it if I was to be honest with you. I know exactly why I have it. I know it will destroy me in due time but it is too much to give it over, not to God, not to Michael, not to anyone. I am scared……of myself and of you for knowing all of this.
So where does God fit into any of this, I don’t know. Like most movies I have seen you hear and see little of God and that is how I feel sometimes. I mean sometimes I think hey to be a good person put a few words of God and serving him into your life and it will all sound so much better. So what is the truth, I don’t know. Do I love God with all of my heart, soul and mind? Hummm I use to be so sure or so I thought. I think sometimes I am more sinned filled and less God filled. I am used and damaged and I know you are all thinking those are the ones God went to, those are the ones that he loved and died for. I know all this but it is still hard to believe sometimes. All this is making me seem like I am throwing a pity party and the more I think of this the more it feels like it. I know how far God has brought me, I know that he is full of grace and mercy and I want to be washing his feet with my tears and hair right now. I want to not think about the world but about him. I want to be a better wife, friend, family member and servant to Him and I know that He is the only one that can change my heart, I can’t do it alone.

So I think there is more to confess but I am sure I will never be ok with just writing it all down for the world to see. I know with just this little bit of confessions that I want to throw up and cut my wrist. So I can’t image being totally exposed. Please please do not use any of this against me. This was hard despite it not being that big of a deal to some of you. So yea know I love you all and I am glad you are in my life. I will try to live as one person and not 3. I will try to not be worried about what you may or may not think about me. I will just keep trying to be me. Who and what that looks like is a journey I am on, as I am sure we are all on.

Michael, know that you are such a special person. You are my rock and I know I do not show you that enough. I want to push you away so it makes things so much easier on me. Don’t let me, please.

IT IS WORTH THE WAIT

2005-05-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

I know I have keep you all waiting however the waiting is going to last another week. Finals are this week and freedom comes this Thur. So know that I love you all and I have tons to talk about when I get done.
Thank you for waiting.
PS I maybe speaking for Michael also.

Eat the food Tina.........

2005-04-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

So the semester is coming to a close and we are in the home stretch, Michael has 5 papers left to write and I have 4 math test to take. Our last day is May 5th. So lots to do in a short amt. of time. All will go well I am sure. We have already picked our summer classes out and I have already looked to see what I will be taking next fall. I am ready for summer but you know summer is not the same when you grow up. I miss no school and no work for 3 month. I miss swimming with friends all afternoon and naps and watching soap operas and staying up late because you have nothing to do the next day. Oh well maybe when and if I ever become a teacher I will enjoy my time off. As for right now I have a job, summer school to think about and a mission trip. Oh and I have Michaels birthday to think about.

For Kimberly: I took Kim and Tine to sonic this morning before they had to be at school. Kim is my sister for those who did not know and Tina is one of her best friends, I have know Tina since she was really young, she is so sweet and I love her like a sister. I am thinking I had such a good time taking them to school that I would not mind taking them to school every Wed. if they would let me. They are such good kids and I know they both have a bright future if they do not let boys get in their way. Boys will get us every time girls.

To foggy to see if the airplane could land.........

2005-04-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Already feeling sad for the people I have yet to meet. Already not wanting to fall in love with people and really not wanting them to do it with me. Already missing a place I have never seen. Already wishing I could do more. God, why is this so important to go to a place that I may never go back to, why do I need to prepare this way. I feel you have put long term missions in my heart for a reason. It seems too emotionally hard to go and wear my heart on my sleeve for a week. I want to just be, I want to go to a place where I could just live among the people for years, I want to develop real relationships that are meaningful. I want to see Jesus in other people I want to see how you move other groups of people even when they do not know they are moving for you. I want it to not be about me but all about you. I am not ready to have my heart broken again. I still get sad thinking about never being at the Greenbrair again and that was a year. So how is a week in Jamaica going to feel? Sure I will see you their, sure I will miss the people when I leave, but as soon as I get back it will be right back to my crazy life. Help me to be in the moment, help me to see every day that you are in control and you have a plan for us that is not in my scope right now. Help me to trust my husband but most of all help me to trust you.

All I prayed for this weekend was that Michael would be different. That he would be excited about this trip, that he would take a leadership role in this, that he would feel prepared. As I was praying it, I thought that God would not do all those things in 3 short days. But he did, he did everything and more. I was changed but I saw Michael in a new light, he was different he understood that this was going to be one of the hardest things that we will ever do but that it is something we needed to do. I praise you God for hearing me even when I did not think you would.

As I reread this I realized how many times I said “I” how sad is that.
More “HIM” and less “I”

I love you all! Thank you for your prayers your air miles ;) and your love.

Post office in the fifth ward

2005-04-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

Every other week or so I go to the post office near my work in the fifth ward to mail off some invoices for Badger Mining, well it is always the same people that work their week after week. I use to feel out of place or feel little like a racist. But I don’t really feel like that much any more. However I wish the people there would be warmer then they are. I have noticed that when I go in with an open heart (which is not every time) they usually respond well. Ok the problem is that they always ask me the same stupid questions. I could list them all but it would not be that important, just know that it gets old over a 5 yr pd. I mean they know that I always bring in the papers that are going to be mailed. They know that I do not want stamps and if I did I know how to ask. They know that I do not want insurance. Maybe they don’t know that I don’t want all those things. So I always tell myself, just go up to the counter and before they can ask you anything just say I would like to mail this off and I don’t want any stamps or insurance on this package and nothing in this is going to kill anyone. But then I realize they are doing their job, and well at that. I also realize that if I ever leave this job I will miss the post office. I will miss these black women and I will miss seeing all the different races that pass thought this one post office in Houston Texas.

going to the BIG APPLE!

2005-03-17T12:41:00.000-08:00

Ok sorry to everyone who reads (David and Co and maybe Val :)) for not updating in a while. However I think it has been longer since Michael has updated ( don't believe him when he says anything about email or it is broken, all lies).
Season of changes: too many to explain them all and I am sure if you read Davids or Co blog you will get more details their.

The small group we have been going to on Mon. at Joel (he works at Taft now, go see him!) and Heathers house has been really great! Michael and I have been growing so much since we started going. I like reading the bible in small group and talking about it (anyone want to say amen!)

So a small break for this weekend. Michael and I are really excited about going to New York, please pray that the hotel we stay at is ok. Michael read some reviews about it and they were not that great.

So I am off to go to the Dr. today to get my worm taken care of. Co I feel your pain on so many levels. I guess I will just not have a drink in NY which makes me oh so sad however the fact I have not had a good poo in 3 weeks is starting to worry me (to much info for you all I am sure)

David and Co: wait to see the ring 2 so we can go with you!!!

So yea not much going on in my life other then 2 math classes and 2 teacher classes. I have a project that I have to do on ADD and I really don't want to do it. I can't take the teacher courses all that seriously.

Oh I almost forgot to tell everyone I got my new mini really mini ipod (shuffler) and it is amazing, so small and all my favorite songs. I have only had it a day and when I went walking this morning I just keep saying "good ipod, good ipod"

ok so I know that this is not the best post but it is 2:51 pm on Thur and I get off at 3:00 so I am not putting my all into it this time.

I love you all so much! Much more then I ever thought I could love friends and family. I don't know why God has blessed me so much (hell I don't know why he blesses anyone really) but yea amen!

One day........

2005-02-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

This is something I wrote a while ago and I am at a good place that I can share it now.

I dreamt about you again today, but you were much older this time. Years I have dreamt about you and this time you were no different. You were perfect as always. Perfect hair, dark like ours, your eyes light and your skin, your sweet sweet skin. I could touch you forever. This time however I mourned you leaving us. Funny how I could say good bye to you in a day dream but I did. When I came to with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart I just thought how much this hurts and you are not even real. God knows that I am not ready for you. Everyone will say but you will have years to prepare for them leaving the nest. But, I don't think anything will get easier just much harder because my eyes would have met yours.

I don't know you but I do. I know you will talk back, I know that you will say you hate me, I know you will think about running away and about killing yourself. I know all these things but I know you will crawl in our bed at 2 in the morning and I know you will put your arms around me and squeeze me as hard as you can and I will say that it hurts oh so much. I know you will blow out candles and you will make me pictures that I will keep forever and tell me you love me and this is what makes me keep dreaming of you. Dreaming of family photos and family trips and......oh the list goes on. I know that their will be hard times that are harder then I could ever image but I know that the good will be....... and the thought of a life without you and you just living in my dreams hurts more then anything else.

Oh sweet child from God, we loved you before you were ever born.

Tammi sweet child of mine, I have know your from before you were ever born. I know every hair on your head and every desire of your heart.

2 BIRDS WITH ONE CAR

2005-02-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

Some highlights from a weekend in a small town in South Texas:

Well some back ground history for those who may not know. Michaels grandparents and Uncle and Step aunt Karen all live in Lovelady Texas, yes you read that correct, Lovelady Texas. Well Michaels aunt (not the step aunt Karen) but another aunt who lived in New Mexico died last Thur. She was 61 years old not much older then Michaels folks. So not only did she die,it was also Michaels grandfathers birthday on Sat. (the father of the dead aunt). We thought it maybe a good idea to go with Michaels parents and see him and the family on his 83 birthday. So it was a weird and nice weekend. With a lunch to say good bye to a women I never met and to wish a man a healthy and happy year! Some here are the highlights hope you will enjoy. I am sure Michael would be way better at telling these stories but he is busy and well here I go!

1) I killed 2 birds with my car. One on the way to Lovelady and one on the way home. I did not think I was going all that fast but I guess the birds are not use to city cars or they are just not that bright. The first one I killed I thought Michael was going to cry and I just keep saying I am sorry and he just said it was heading towards me after you hit it. I just had to laugh, it was sad I know but still funny none the less. They have wings!!! The 2nd one that I killed I was so freaked out at the fact that I have gone my whole live and had never seen anyone ever hit a bird let alone 2 of them. So I screamed and Michael and I both closed our eyes. Yes I closed my eyes while driving. Small town no one else on the road so it was cool.

2) we drove passed a prison that Michael or I had never heard of and he thought that was weird because he had been to his grandparents before but had never heard of this prison. So when we get to the house we asked so when did they build the prison. They told us that we went the wrong way and that it had been their for a long time. The next comment was "oh and it has tons of break outs and some of the old people in the town leave the keys in their cars and a $10 dollar bill in the car so that the inmates will not mess with them." They also say that when an inmate breaks that they have hourly update to tell you where they were last seen, ie. we saw him in the woods near so and so house. Crazy I know but good clean fun in a small town I guess.

3) We went to a sea food place on Sat. night and well I just keep thinking we are far from water so how fresh could this fish be (not sure if that matters or not) so we are eating and Michaels rich aunt (step aunt Karen) is always trying to find common ground with Michael and can never do it because he is not impressed by money or stuff so she is left with little to say to him. Well she leans past me and asks Michael "So do you like to hunt?" and I laughed out load and say well we don't eat meat so NO (did not want to get into the seafood thing (Co. I know you were thinking that)) and well she says "Oh I know, but not even for sport?" Michael and I and his parents all make eye contact and we were all thinking the say thing. So it was a running joke the rest of the trip and still is.

4) Michael was told that he needed to set up his grandparents remote control for the TV. So that they did not have to flip thought all those pesky channels to get to the ones they liked. So Michael did and I think it broke his heart to flip though all the good channels to make sure to program the ones they liked. So the highlight was when Michael was checking to make sure it was what they wanted he turns it to Spike TV and Wrestling was on and that is when Michael grandpa who does not talk all that much says "yea those are my boys" we just all started laughing. Wrestling is his favorite show!!! I hope he knows it is all fake.

5) So on Sun. we get up at around 9ish and we hear them down stairs making breakfast so we go down stair and eat at like 930 or 10 and it was a huge breakfast (eggs, bread, bacon, hashbrowns and jam). We all get stuffed and we set down in the living room and we decide that we are leaving at 11 and before we tell the family that we are leaving soon Michaels grandma says "oh we need to start thinking about lunch." We found out later that they had chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, gravy, fried okra, corn, and some other stuff. She was said when we told her that we were leaving before lunch. All this was for lunch I was told that they just had pie for dinner so that is good. Oh I forgot to tell you about the pies, just know that we had home made pie with every meal!!!

6) So all these relatives live on a large ranch and they have horses and cows and well we always want to play with them but they don't really like to play with us. Well we go out to try to help Michaels grandpa feed the horses and they all come over to us and they are smelling my face and I think that it is oh so cute well just as fast as you can think the house bits my boob. I had a jacket on but it still hurt real bad. So I yell "hey this horse just bit my boob" Michaels grandpa laughed! and the horse looks at Michael as if to give him a high five.

7) The time in the car on the way to eat at the sea food place was like an hour their and and an hour back but it made for some good time with Michaels parents who I love so much. They are such good people with big hearts. We talked about racism and bills and dept and well just all good stuff that made for nice bonding.

So the weekend was nice and peaceful and family is always a treat. I am so blessed to have married into a great and loving family. Thank you God!

When you are sliding into first and you feel something burst......

2005-01-24T13:34:00.000-08:00

So both Michael and Fletch are walking poo bombs. They are both sick with diarrhea(I am sure Michael would love to know that I just let everyone know that he has the runs, but Fletch would not mind)! I don't think the two are connected however it is still weird. They have both had it since Friday and while they are both eating and drinking ok I still go into mommy mode and I worry. Side not if anyone cares the reason we knew Fletch was sick was because he went poo in our bathroom sink this morning! I think it could have not been a better way to wake up on a Monday morning. Hey but our boy is a smart one because of all the places he could have taken a runny shit in the house the bathroom sink was the best. I think he thought we were mad at him because he was nervous the whole morning or he knew that this meant he had to go to the vet and he hates that place (we do too). So far my poo has been good and I pray it stays that way!!

OLD and NEW

2005-01-20T11:36:00.000-08:00

Back to school and since the school is small you see some of the same old faces. I like this and as I walk down the hall with Michael I realize how much I love it. We have a bitter sweet relationship, school and me. So far I have gone to all my classes except one (its tonight) and so far they do not seem all that bad. I will have home work and teacher projects that I hate! So we are back in the swing of things and I love my new work schedule, I can't believe I ever worked any other schedule it is 9-3pm everyday. So 6 hrs of work but I still wake up at 730 and I try to jog but end up walking for 30 min and then I go back in and get ready for work. I love it. No traffic and lots of energy. It has made saying good-bye to naps easier. I am still trying to stick with the diet and it is going ok, wish it could go quicker but don't we all?

I miss doing ministry, I miss serving people and seeing other races. I walked into our local grocery store and I felt out of place. All white people and so am I but I just did not feel like I belonged at all. My heart yearns to be serving others and I was listening to the Ellen show (I like it) and she had this Africa boys choir on her show and I just sat in my office and cried. I just felt so close to them yet so far away. I talked with God about it all and he just kept telling me to study hard and be in this time and place, oh so hard to hear that right now but still their is comfort in the fact that God is still talking with me :) ( I have not read the bible,I have not been really praying,I have not been serving his people,I have not........) I know it is not about work but I still feel like I would feel closer to him if I was not running from him.

Michael is in this really cool class, ( I am sure he will blog about it all), it is the history of the middle east. It has made us talk a lot about the nation of Islam. I am open to anyone who would love to talk with us about it all. So many questions!

Thank you for understanding and being their during this change in our lives.

Random thoughts:

2005-01-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

So I have a week before classes start and I am nervous and excited about it all. We have a party at the Greenbriar this weekend on Sat. it is a kick off party for the new team and a good bye party for us. All are welcome to come, a moon walk and clown maybe their. Michael and I had a great time hanging out with his folks last night, we went and had dinner, went to a book store and then to Fyes to return something. Fun was had by all. I had not felt sad about anything, leaving h-town or the greenbriar. I think I will be sad when school starts and I don't see my friends as much. Heather B. told me that they are thinking about starting up a small group for old friends and new, and it is on mon. nights so we may try to start going to that. That will be cool. All this just makes me want to take a nap (how I deal with stress) because it all seems like life is going to get crazy again and I don't like that to much :(
I have also been on a kindof diet for a week tomorrow with my coworker I have lost 3 lbs but still want it to go faster, I also want to start working out. I never thought I would just start to feel my body asking me "please work out you will like it and it will be fun" so I will when I start my new schedule next week which will be 9-3pm everyday at wk and classes at night. So not going to wk until 9 should be good for working out I hope.
having Dave in town was nice but hard (all you may know the story) but fun was had. I do wish that him and Michael would have had more time to play and talk together. I know he misses him. Maybe a trip to Japan lies in our future. Speaking of trips to places, I have a friend that lives in AZ and she wants us to come out and see her. I love this friend and have been friends since 5th grade and we have grown apart and then together kindof again but all in all we still call each other friends. However I have never really wanted to go to AZ and well it is hard to pay to go when you really never wanted to go. Don't get me wrong I want to see her and spend time with her but not in AZ so what do I do. I really want Michael to see New York and Krista said she has wanted to do the big city also. Maybe the Vancourts can save up their allowance and join us, that would rock the house!! Anyways so what a choice fun in AZ or fun in NY not so sure what to do on this one. Or I could just save our money and not get another student loan and just pay for school! Yea right like that is going to happen.
So this blog is for all you hommies that have been waiting oh so long for . Hope the random thoughts were not to much!

A WEIRD WEEKEND WITH AN EVEN WEIRDER ENDING

2005-01-03T06:52:00.000-08:00

We moved the last box early Fri. morning. The labor part of the move was hard, not sure if we have thought about the other part of the move yet. We went back on Sun. to pick up somthing and it felt as if we never even lived their (I guess I always knew we were just visiters). But we are changed and we know it and we know why and how it all happened.
So the change in years is also a change in life and Michaels grandmother said to me, "I think this is going to be a good year"I said yea I think so but last year was good to us also.
Went to a party on New Years eve and we brought a guest who made a great impression to say the least. Fun was had by all, I think.

Chad gave a great sermon and what I heard was , it is about Gods will and his glory and not mine and my actions that followed this sermon was as if I heard nothing. Shame on me and I am sorry to all parties involved. I love you and I keep tring because I keep thinking I see something that would be worth holding on to, I am still not willing to let that go but I think I should start tring for everyones sake. Forgive me all (If this sounds like code, well it is! sorry)

PACKING BLUES

2004-12-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

so I have been packing and it is going well and I don't feel rushed or anything. We gave away our couch and red chair to a co worker of mine. I will miss the chair, but it will not sit in storage and I know that if the chair could talk it would have asked for this. So we don't have that to worry about. We have been saying our goodbyes to our apt. friends and that has been going ok. Michael and I are looking forward to the return of Krista and Dave (he gets in on the 30 or 31 can't remember) a New years bash would be nice for them both and us so any ideas I am open!! I thought that I would be doing so much on my time off from school but I still find myself busy as ever and still have not gone to any small group of any kind, I miss it.

My mom told me today that my brother will be at my parents house on Christmas. I am thinking some of you out their may not ever know I have a brother. He is 29years old and has a few problems. I don't talk with him to much and he does not come around much. Their is alot of family prolems that would be kindof hard to talk about on this thing but just know we have the same mom and dad and John is both of our stepdad but he is my sisters real dad. my brother, named Danny, went to go live with his real dad when he was about 15 and well my real dad was not stable at all and really did not take good care of my brother so I think he has lots of issues with the lack of family he has. I think we maybe alot alike if it was not for the Rices that I love oh so much. So he is coming and I am little excited it will be nice to have the whole family together. I am sure Michael is not looking forward to it, but he is so supportive as always and he will make the best of it as he always does.

So I hope everyone has a great Christmas and eat lots of good food and hug as many people as you can and pray that it SNOWS!!!!!

SUPPORT YOUR TROOPS

2004-12-23T08:43:00.000-08:00

So has all this gotten a little out of control? So I told myself I was never going to write anything that had to do with anything political but I am just getting so tried of everyone putting those "I support the troops" magnets on their car. I know to each is own and I have a fish on my car and I am sure people out their hate that stupid fish, I being one of them some times (my mom gave it to me, like anyone cares) but I am thinking who is going to put on their car "I hate the troops I hope they die" nope no one will put that if they want to keep all their tires. I did not want the war, I have my reasons as I am sure most do, and I will not discuss them. I protested the war as did others but now that the troops are over their, I can only pray for them and feel sorry for them, and support them with my prayers for their safe return to their family. So anyways the magnets will stick around I just wish they were not so easy to take off of people cars, it is just so hard to stop myself (Michael watches me closely) I am also tired of every writer, artist, singer and whoever else is jumping on this band wagon of the war. Writers who have not put out anything for a while are now writing about the war. It sucks I get it, no need to read your book or hear your song. So I figured I have not wrote anything about the war yet so I best jump on the wagon while I can. Oh and if you have a magnet I am...............

Now I can rest (yea right)

2004-12-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

So I am done with finals. They all went ok I guess, I am just happy they went. So now I can let myself think about life. I kindof shut down for a week or two and now I am back. I missed you all very much! So they found another CARES team to take over and we get to meet them for the first time at our Pizza party (which is crazy!!) and I can not help but to know that God played a huge part in all of this. He has given me such peace about everything I can't explain it all but it is nice and I love the season that my life is moving into. I wish I could write better and open up all my thoughts on here, tell you everything that I am feeling right now, all my struggles and my hopes but it is hard for me. The English language, while it is the only language I know, still kicks my butt! I know that I could write something and have Michael look it over, but that always seems much harder then it should be. So you are all left with just waiting and talking with me to get the whole story. I am going to miss my new friends I have made this year, I have not let myself think of the good byes. I think it is because I have told myself and them that we will still be around and we will try to come and play with everyone at events and such, but come on we all know that is a lie, I will come for a few months and then that will be all. I will get wrap up in other stuff and just stop going, sure I could tell Michael lets not let that happen, but it will and that could be a good thing and a bad thing. I know God was doing some awesome thing with us in this season and if I had to do it all over again........I don't even what to think about it. It was hard maybe the hardest thing so far other then moving out of my parents house at 17 my senior yr in high school.
So now I have a great sch. for about a month and I am open for dates. I am going to keep working 30hrs a week and no school means Tammi gets to hang out with some friends. So I will get off of wk on Mon. and Wed. at noon and free for the rest of the day. I also get off on Thur. and Fri at 3pm. So call me and lets set up something. I miss you all very much. Thank you for all the prayers, I truly felt them and continue to.

2 puppies = 2 babies

2004-11-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

So I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt that Michael had puppies, but then the puppies turned into real babies (2 puppies = 2 babies) . Then I left Michael at home to get rest and I went out to lunch with Co. and others who I can't remember and I took the babies in the car with me. We ate and when I got up to leave I realized I had left the babies in the hot car the whole time I took their bag in with all the stuff they would need but I left them in the car. Co. said oh my are they still alive, we cked and they were :) so on the way home I did not feel all that bad and I just said to everyone, well I am not use to having babies around.

I think this dream just prove I am gonna make a bad mom.

So I though where the heck did this crazy dream come from. (1) I picked up 2 stray dogs that were playing in the street yesterday and took them to the pound to keep them from getting hit.
(2) I watched ER right before I went to bed (it was about a girl having a baby and saying she didn't). So a long weird day turned into a weird night of dreams.

Oh and I went to the Eid celebration and I would love to talk about it with you, if you want, but it would be too hard to explain all my feeling on a blog.
Just know fun was had and I belly danced (or they call it something like that, I did not see any bellies)
Oh and the girls (jojo and ruba) will being joining us for Thanksgiving dinner at the Rices'.

Thanksgiving

2004-11-11T08:46:00.000-08:00

So for all those who really cared, I got a great big 70 (C) on my Cal test!!! I think I was among the 3 that passed out of the 8 of us that took the test. So thank you for those who prayed!! A great side note, we got our test back and we get to make it up and get a better grade.
This is the bonus question that was asked ( I got 5 pts on it, not full credit (not sure what it was worth) but better then none, I was among the few that tried it)
oh yea only 5 questions on the test and 1 bonus:

#6 (extra Credit) A hemispherical bowl of radius 5cm is filled with water to within 3cm of the top. Find the volume of the water in the bowl. [Hint: this problem is easier if you use the right coordinate system.]

So this is where I am at, as far as school, the home stretch a large paper to write and 3 finals to prepare for. Not bad, and it could be worse I could have Michaels home stretch and that is way harder then mine. But he is smart and works well under pressure so I am sure he will do well.

As for wrapping up our CARES time, we are still praying really hard that God would bring a team soon. We know that he has great plans for that place. We are trying to figure out what were are going to sell in a garage sale (Dec 4 for those that may want to put stuff in it, it will be at my friend Heather's house) and what we are going to put in storage and what will go with us to a small bedroom and a bathroom. I am getting excited and sad all at the same time about all the changes. I will deeply miss the Greenbriar as I am sure everyone knows but I will be able to focus more on School, friends, church, and spending time with family.

Another request, cont'd to have the Saudi family in your prayers, I was told by a American family friend that the mother is not going to make it, I do not know how to spell what she has but it does not look good. So I am not sure about their stay here or what will happen when they leave. I am going to try to spend lots of time with them, but we know how that goes. I am going to try to spend Sat. Night with them at the Eid celebration so I am way excited about that.

Michael also made a comment to me the other night, he said I can see how you have changed since you have been around your new Saudi friends, and I said what do you mean, he said your faith has become much stronger. I realized he was right. I went from questions my God and Christ to being overwhelmingly thankful for all that he is and all that he has done for me and for my new friends. I have also grown to realize that I must learn all about their culture to see how Jesus would look there. I love their culture and I now know that Jesus does even more then me.

So I totally wish I was funnier on this thing, but all that ever seems to come out is catching everyone up on my life.

HELP!!!!

2004-11-03T07:05:00.000-08:00

Cal 3 test today at 1pm
That is all I will say today
pray

hope turns into hope

2004-10-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster. More so then other weeks and that is a hard thing to do. Up and down with hope in something new and then........Turning that hope into something else.

I figured that whatever God had in store for me I could have figured him out. I could have said "wow" God was working in all the other stuff and that is why this is happening. Then when it does not work out the way I thought it would work I just say, oh well God was trying to do this....... He is not for me to figure out. I don't want to go around and say "maybe God is doing this because of this......" I just want him to "be" and for me to be in awe of everything he is doing b/c I know he is beyond me or anything I will ever be able to figure out and the adventures far exceed anything I could ever image.

I also finished reading "Blue like Jazz" it was very good. I do not read much, I leave that up to Michael, who can consume a book in a day while it takes me a week if not longer. I am not sure if the book was great because it was or because I heard Don Miller speak at church, who knows I just know that it helped in a lot of ways. I laughed and cried and it took me somewhere else when I read it, all good elements of a good book. So if you come across this book one day, please read it.

Just because I never say this:
I really love my husband! We are growing closer everyday, and it is an everyday pursuit. We are both so busy but to crawl in bed together at the end of the day and not speak just kiss a small kiss and hold each other until we fall asleep is by far the best thing ever. I think every day what am I doing with this great guy that is above me (I know this is low self-esteem talking). We are learning something new about each other every day. A friend asked me years ago if I thought Michael was my soul mate. I really can't remember what I told her then but I have thought about it a lot since. I don't really believe in soul mates (sorry to all those who may) but I do believe that if you believe in a God, that has plans for you, that you have someone that will be the best to display Gods love to you and together you will serve God more then you could ever alone. Michael is that to me. I know my theory could be wrong here but this is what I would tell my friend now. Michael has a beautiful soul, as everyone who knows him would agree, and I get to fall asleep in his arms every night. Thank you God!!!

So here is my update David! You owe me one Mr. Chapter 7

Kitty era

2004-10-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

So as most of you know, all the kitties have homes. Here is the run down with names and homes fpr those who don't know:
1) Bo (aka the black one) is now living well at Michaels parents house so when we move back in we will get to live with him again. He is much smaller then the rest but he is oh so smart and does not let his size keep him from taking on the world. Also a side note, Michaels nick name when he was a little boy was Bo from his dad.
2) Oreo (aka the one with the black spot on his back) is Paige's (our niece). She is 7 and is a very good mom. She is taking such good care of him, we know he is in good hands.
3) Murey (aka the runt) he is living with Michaels sister and Oreo he is no longer the runt and loves to play with his brother and our nieces.
4) Casey (aka the big guy or peepee sucker) This guy was with us the longest and Fletch misses him tons. He is with my good friend Heather Heft ( Michael and I have know her since we were in high school) she has two boys and a big dog and a large back yard. Casey will always have someone or something to play with. I am told that he had tried to breast feed on my friend while she was nursing her son. So he is still a sucker.
So THEY ALL LIVED!!!! Praise God.
When it was all said in done, Michael and I learned so much about ourselves and what we can take on. We now know that being a parent is going to be hard but we will make great ones when the time comes.
Thank you all for your prayers and your support!!!!

My Wedding Day

2004-10-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

I should have wrote the Mon. after the retreat but I did not. So I feel if I write about it now it will not be the same, but I will try. So much rest and healing came from it. I really got closer to Krista thanks to our crazy journey up to the retreat and the late night talk on Sat. God and I worked on a few things that I did not even think I needed to work on. Then the service at Ecclessia was amazing, the speaker was awesome and I am now trying to read his book (thanks to Krista's great b-day gift). The service made for such a great ending to a great weekend. I went to church alone (Michael was flyering for story time at the apt.) but I left married to God. Before church started I was running late and I was walking alone up to the front door of the church and their was a man walking towards me and I was a little nervous because I was thinking "man I never have cash on me and how sad does it look that you are walking into church and tell someone no I am sorry I can't help you" so all of this is going on in my head and we are getting closer to one another and guilt has set in. Then he looks at me and I look at him and he looks kindof different at that very moment and he says with so much respect "Mamn you are a beautiful lady" and then he passed me. Right before this happened I was thinking man do I look like a bum going into church. I had dirty hair and dirty cloths and no makeup I was feeling far from beautiful. So as I walked away from this very thoughtful man I thank my God in heaven for making me feel like a new bride. He was getting my heart and soul ready to walk down the aisle to kiss him and take him in, and that is what I did. I walked a long walk and I was nervous and was excited and I dipped the bread into the wine and and pressed it to my lips and then I took it in. I became one with my lord and I will never be the same again.

His blood has cleaned my hands

2004-09-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

So this is much harder then I thought. Coming up with things to talk about to everyone I know. I thought when I first started this that I would pretend that no one would really read this and that I could just write everything that I would write if I was keeping a private journal. Humm the only problem in my plan is that you can read this and well I am not sure if I am ready to be that exposed. I think I need to be, but it is still hard. Wow all this is making it sound like I will always be writing things that are super serious and not funny at all. I think I will just try to take it one post at a time and see what happens. Because truth be told I don't think that I have that much going on in my life and well I may not have much to talk about.

So the apartment stuff.......... As if you all want to hear about that anymore then you do.

So I am doing a report in my multicultural class and I picked Muslim/Arab Americans. So you guessed it, I have been spending lots of time at the Saudi Arabia Families house asking tons of questions about them and their family. I was asked about Jesus and I was so scared. I mean I have been praying for this since the first day I came into this community but I should have been praying for their spirits to be moved. And maybe they have been. I told them who I believe Jesus is and I am not sure how the mom took it because she does not speak English but I know the daughter understood me. Anyhow we talked about being muslin and I asked God what else I needed to say and he told me not to say anything. To be peace and to display that and I did they best I could. They were telling me all about the rules and I was just thanking my God that his blood has done it all for me. That nothing I can do will ever be good enough but that he loves me just the way I am, a sinner and all.

The other reason I needed to go to their house was because they had told me that they wanted to have a party for the apartments, and that they wanted me to come as a guest and not as a host. I thought that this was cool but still weird, but who am I to stand in their way of having an activity for the community. We wanted the community to start serving each other. However this felt different I felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and I could not put my figure on it. So Michael and I went and talked with the manager of the apartments and she just said "NO" no questions asked. You have to understand that when ever we have asked her to do anything she always says I trust you, do whatever. But this time it was different she knew that we needed a direct answer and so did God.

So yesterday I get home and one of the children was at my front door waiting for me to come home to help her with her homework and we did and something about prayer came up and she told me that if we don't pray then Allah can turn you into a Donkey. I did not know what to say to that so all I said was "well we don't have to pray, we want to pray and the only bad thing that will happen if you do not pray is that you will not be in communication with God." The subject was quick change after that.

Ok so I guess what I am needing from all of you is just to keep praying for this family and for us. The other thing is that I was still thinking that I wanted to participate in Ramadan with them and read the bible and pray. But after this last week I am not sure what I am going to do because it is all the laws of Ramadan that our making me feel so sad and way unsure about it all. Please help me!

I feel like I have a problem with strippers so I should not go into the strip club and tell them about the good news. (quote from Chris Seay)

So this post was much longer then I would have thought my 2nd post would have been.

what did I just do?

2004-09-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

So I was tryng to post a comment on Carrie's blog and it asked me a few questions and I thought this is weird but hey I really want to post something. So I put my name and other info. in and I thought that was not that big of a deal then it asked me for a blog name and other stuff and, well, I am not sure if I just became a part of something (aka the blog circle) or if now the devil has my soul. Only time will tell. So here I am with my poor spelling and all. Unlike Carrie, I have never thought of anything to write about, so you are all in for a treat if I decide to keep this bad boy up. Who knows this may help me deal with everything or not.

So just know that I love you all and I am excited, I think, to be a part of this.

Jo Hartley stands a lone.